Charlie Gibson said, "I'm living in New York , so I'd like to hear the song "The Moon and New York City " one last time." The terrorist's leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some ragtag musicians and played the song. Gibson sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
Brian Williams said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. US Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?!" replied the Marine, "and have you three ass holes report that I was the aggressor?"
THE BLONDE AND THE COW"
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn.
They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks,
"Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple, by the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on."
